well hello again....

and i'm back. again. after a long hiatus... with proton.

and the reasons for my rising like an inked phoenix from a mountain of cookie crumbs?? several. 1: how else would my friends keep up with my fleeing the advances of balding married men i work with? or newly separated men who live around the corner from me? or dates with men who look like mr. burns? 2: blogging about the dailies of life is such a nice way of reminding yourself that each day is chock-full of absolutely wondrous insanity and humor. 3: i really really really like making my friends laugh. a lot. both liking and making.

so yes... the dating hijinks that pepper my existence are back. and in some way, knowing that they are entertaining other folks makes them a little bit better to deal with. it's like i'm going on all these terrible dates and engaging in incredibly awkward conversations for you. FOR YOU. like a recent one with a guy i work with. ran into him at a bar... and mind you, i have really never ever had a conversation longer than three words with this man. so he sees me and squeals like we're long-lost separated bestest of friends... the conversation progresses (after he learns my name) and before i know it, i'm aware of how much pot he smokes, that he smoked it before coming to the bar, and that i am apparently quite awesome. conversation went like this:

he: "so you're married."
me: "no... no. i'm single."
he: "wah? why are you single?"
me: **trying not to scream THAT IS THE FUCKING DUMBEST QUESTION I HAVE EVER BEEN ASKED** "i don't know."
he: "are you lesbian?"
me: **trying not to scream THAT IS THE FUCKING SECOND DUMBEST QUESTION I HAVE EVER BEEN ASKED** "no. i am not a lesbian."
he: "i think you're a blast."
me: "great."

then it really got fun when he found out i don't drink. he suggested we share a beer at some point, and i said he could have a beer and i would have a root beer. he then let me know that it's totally cool i'm an alcoholic. *sigh* lesbian. alcoholic. perfect.

then yesterday a married friend from the dog park let me know that he and his wife separated so we should hang out some time. all i remember after that is my skin getting hot and me saying "oh... that's too bad" over and over again.

my new fancy plan is to have these sorts of things happen with guys i am actually attracted to. that would really revolutionize my weekends and maybe even week nights. in a really carnal way. i just gots to figure out how exactly that whole thing works. reeling in the hot, smart ones who like eating delicious things and reading books, that is. and making out.

and then there's my new summer job full of delightful new friends who i heart very much and equally outrageous people who deserve fat punches in the throat that stun them long enough for me to punch them in the cooter. but those stories, my dears, shall have to wait....