holy dance

i haven't blogged in ages, i know. i haven't blogged in ages because i agreed to be the faculty advisor for the 8th grade spring dance = way too much time spent buying streamers, silver stars, having noon meetings with dance committee members, securing chaperones, yikes. but, i have to say, the dance was quite an experience. my school hasn't had this kind of thing for their students in over 30 years, and most teachers couldn't remember the last time they had even thought about doing something like this. so, it took a lot of persuading and planning, but it got done.

in addition to being the faculty planner, i also agreed to be the d.j. because 1) i can regulate what songs are being played, and 2) gave a chance for save vs. poison to put "8th grade spring dance" on their resumes. to perform as d.j. dr. larson, i donned an insanely sequined dress and bright pink wig. and then blasted the smoke machines, strobe lights, in the faces of bouncing children. and holy shit did they bounce and dance and shake their things. so much shaking. so much sweating. during one especially-thumping song a boy wearing an argyle vest and striped button-up shirt screamed at me "THIS IS THE BEST PARTY EVER!" at a point in the night a couple of dance committee kids got onstage to give me some roses (very sweet), and then the crowd of chilren started chanting "LAR-SON, LAR-SON, LAR-SON" until i kept muttering "AWKWARD" into the microphone. this, of course, was after i asked children to stop the "groin-on-groin" action, so really the awkward argument was not too fair. i was then convinced to dance one song with the students, and when i stepped onto the dance floor i was immediately swarmed by a sea of sweaty-ass hormone-pumping children who don't understand the importance of dr. larson's personal space. i spent much of the song running away.

i'm hoping i get some dandy photos sent my way.

inappropriate indeed

yesterday a kid asked meant to ask me about seeing something about the dance, and although he was thinking "dance," what he said was "va-jay-jay." "dr. larson, can i see your va-jay-jay?"

i blame myself and all of my sex talks with the kids.

today we are extracting DNA from strawberries. i gave a brief intro on DNA and what it is and where it is and what chromosomes are and how Jamie Lee Curtis is actually a man because she is XY and not XX. That information might have destroyed some children. As we're isolating DNA, a students raises his hand, i walk over, and he asks if we can isolate DNA from his sperm. again, i blame myself. later that class another student walks up to me and says, "i know this might be in inappropriate question, but... " Nope.. no but. i stopped that question. i have a feeling it had something to do with how his keychain smelled like pee.

why kids need sex-ed

just in case you weren't already convinced that kids need sex-ed MUCH earlier than they're receiving (10th grade)....

today i opened up my class asking students what fantastic science news happened yesterday. that led into a lively discussion of stems cells, how embryos are actually made using IVF (in vitro fertilization) techniques, and what used to happen to those embryos that were not put into ladies (they were thrown away). of course i used this to explain how women only ovulate once during their cycle, usually only one egg is released, and women who give birth to litters of children are most likely taking some serious hormones because our bodies aren't meant to handle all that baby noise. in one class, this gave rise to one of the most ridiculous conversations i have had with students. some highlights:

student: "wait... so where does pee come from?"
me: "your pee hole."
*met with blank stair from the student (a lady)*
me: "you have three holes down there."
student: "what." (not a question... a statement and face full of utter disbelief)
me: "yes. you have three. one is for pee, one is your vagina, and one is your butt hole."
nathan clark: (his face was unbelievable... jaw on the floor) "girls have three holes?"
me: "yes. and boys have two."
nathan: "what. wait. but how.... "
me: "one of them is a two for one."
nathan: (sort of thinks about it) oh right... the butt hole.
me: (can't talk cus laughing too hard)

this then moves into what we were supposed to be talking about: pH. since the class was already insane, i decided to tell them how pH relates to reproductive biology. at first i said i didn't think they could take it, then they begged me to tell them, so i turned around and said:

"vaginas are acidic."

they definitely were not expecting that. i then said "so what do you think might possibly be responsible for neutralizing the acidity of the vagina?"

silence. then brave ol' tarezz removes his face from inside his sweater (since it had been buried in it since the first time i said "vagina"), raises his hand and says "the lining of the penis?" i freaking howled laughed and buckled over. then assured him no, it was not the lining of the penis. and mind you, the entire class is laughing/insanely embarassed and wanting to die. i then said that the fluid the sperm is in is responsible for doing all of that and that's why men have prostates.

tarezz raises his hand again and out comes "so do animals have sex for pleasure? i mean, can they control themselves?" and back in the sweater goes his face. FREAKING AWESOME. i said that was actually a very important question and probably not because it seems to be more reproduction-driven and not sexy-time driven. although you never know. and he just nodded his head and contemplated that for awhile....