twix tricks

ahhh yes. another fun-filled day of anarchy-inducing, zombie-fying teacher school sessions on classroom management, the best way to distribute and organize binders, and writing letters to ourselves to serve as "pick me ups" six months from now. you would think we were a group of lobotomized hamsters. with limited use of our front paws. i have had far more interesting interactions with the resident terrapin turtle in the room than with the folks leading these infantile discussions. and that lucky bastard gets to stick his head under water every minute to drown out the droning instructions on the best way to arrange desks and how that crafty student faked humped teacher X when she was leaning over to explain something and wasn't that a great teaching moment... a great chance to display classroom management skills. our four hour morning session was concluded with a twenty minute exercise trying to fold a dollar bill into a box. TWENTY MINUTES. i stopped 30 seconds in and began to practice sleeping with my eyes open.

and at the completion of this morning session, after the twenty minute origami nightmare, all i wanted, all i was yearning for was a delicious sweet chocolate treat. just one. i scampered down the steps to the candy machine and saw that YES! twix bars were one of my delightful scrumptious options. I popped in my box dollar (no way... no boxes), eagerly pushed "D1", and watched my candy dream plop down. I reached in to grab it, and as i pulled it out, i noticed something was very odd about it. it felt like one big fat piece of twix that had been vaccum packed into the twix wrapper... as though the candy bar was inseperable from the wrapper itself. i asked my friend what his take on it was... and he was correct in assessing that "that's what happens when candy bars melt." NNNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!. are you serious? sure enough.... peeling open the wrapper pulled half of the twix treat with it. so there i was ten minutes later... outside in the 103 degree weather, reading my irish crime novel, sweating through my pants, using my index finger to scoop out as much caramel and chocolate i could from the mad mess of what used to be a twix bar. alone. no shame. licking every last chocolate molecule i could from my hands like a pacified plebian.

three. more. days.