first and second days.... done and done

yesterday's antics with new students included: 1- a student doing magic tricks during my discussion of the expectations i have for students, 2- another student introducing me to the word "awesomenatic," 3- and a student's question making me laugh so hard i had to look at the floor and think about something super sad and terrible to maintain some semblance of professionalism. that story....

i'm talking to students about how they are going to be reading selected passages from Fast Food Nation and we will be discussing how fast food is made and the chemistry of it and effects on our body systems. i ask how many kids eat fast food and about 90% raise their hands... i then tell them that i don't eat it any more, but if i did happen to sit down and eat a "hamburger" from McDonald's i would definitely "pee acid out my butt." yes. that exactly. they laugh a kind of freaked out, who the hell is this crazy science lady kind of laugh, then start asking questions. "but what about if you eat parfait" "how about salad? that's healthy." i quashed those silly silly notions by saying "sure, but if you eat that straight for 30 days you're probably going to poop acid out your butt." kid in the front row kind of furrows his brow, then raises his hand. ooohhhhhh sweet. what is this question going to be??? "um.... so a minute ago you said peeing acid out your butt. but just now you said pooping out your butt. are those the same things?"

OH. MY. GOD.

put my head down, took a couple breaths, told him i appreciated his attention to detail, then forced myself to think of drowning puppies and prisoners of war and restriction enzymes left out at room temperature and continued on. it's one thing to realize i say ridiculous things in class by watching the mouths of my friends form gaping holes when telling them stories, but it's another thing to realize it by hearing a student say back to you what you've just said to a class. peeing acid out your butt.

some of today's highlights: a student calling me "gansta" because i don't give points for incomplete homework, another kid falling asleep, me slamming my fist down on his desk to wake him up only to have him try cheating off a paper five minutes later, and being asked whether blood left at a crime scene could be traced back to a person. i assured that student that unless he was in the system already he'd be fine. he seemed really happy about that.