tonight proton made me cry. a really nice, honest cry. he didn't chew up my favorite shoes or drag garbage all over my apartment or anything like that. it was a happy cry.... i had just gone into my favorite sushi place to pick up my order and came back out to my car to see proton absolutely beaming with joy at my return. it didn't matter that we had just been to the park together for 30 minutes, or that i had only been gone for 5 minutes, or even that he knew i was coming back. he was so happy. and when i put down the window so he could put his head out of it, that big dog smile got even bigger. and again, it's not like he's never done it before.. and not that he won't get the chance to ever do it again. in that moment, he was so excited to be with me and have his head out the window and smelling all sorts of great smells and it was so simple and lovely and the next thing i know i'm crying into my shrimp tempura. his ability to be that joyful about something he's experienced again and again was genuinely inspiring and touching and overwhelming... and if you've ever dealt with anxiety, then you understand what a challenge it can be to appreciate the present for all its wonderful opportunities... and i guess seeing proton so elated, so present, made me that much more aware about the amount of time i spend worrying about what could happen, what might happen, what maybe could perhaps if only for a second happen.
so thank you mr. prof. proton.... you are my joy...
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