swimming lessons

proton apparently doesn't like swimming. we went to the reservoir today with some friends and, since it was warm enough to actually venture into the water, i took the opportunity to get proton's little paws wet. he's been much better lately about getting into streams and creeks and such, so i was curious to see what he would do in the larger sized body of water. i heard a little splash and YAY! there was proton, swimming like a proper dog and everything. however, i think this splash wasn't due to any sort of jump by proton, but more accurately a slip and "oh nuts." i say this because he swam as fast as he could to the rocks on the shore and hooked his little paws into the crevices to hoist himself up, all panting and looking a little bit terrified. and the next few times i brought him down to the water he plopped his butt down super hard and refused to budge. so, i being the former lifeguard, gently picked him up and dropped his scrawny dog legs into the water and had him practice his doggy paddle. however, his paddling was super frantic and he was struggling the whole time to get away and i just kept saying "good job! good job!" and laughing super hard... and then the last time i dropped him into the water and he swam again... i was so excited for him!... but he was not pleased, all wet rat-like looking and breathing heavy.

but i think he and madison are starting to be friends. she even let him wear her milk bottle cap as a hat.

what the!? get the! how the!.. ugh....

this morning whilst raspberry picking i happened to notice something peculiar in the garden. oddly-shaped, deep indentations seemed to be everywhere. hmmm... it almost looks like someone has been digging up stuff... upon closer examination i realized that no, these are not the remnant holes of some wandering garden saboteur, but DEER TRACKS (see evidence at right). mother fucking deer tracks. not only am i now fighting the japanese beetles for the sweet raspberry gems, i'm fighting bambi, although i like to think of the deer as less like bambi and more like dirty, rabid destructor of garden joy (see rabid deer). and what is a deer going to do with raspberries? not make a delicious decadent raspberry sauce, i'll tell you that much. give it to thumper or whatever that craze-footed rabbit's name is? but this apparently makes proton a little less insane than i thought. he likes to bark at night at nothing in particular at all. well, turns out he may be barking at the predatory deer creatures lurking with their hooked hooves outside our windows, leering at our innocent snuggled-up bodies. i don't think there's something like a deer trap that's marketed, but i could perhaps rig up some sort of hammock-meets-spring loaded net trap.

and yes... proton found himself trapped in a new location today. wrapped around another poor bush. i can't help but think of him as the r. kelly of dogs. instead of being "trapped in the closet" he's "trapped around the nearest plant or post." and instead of getting peed ON, proton likes to be the one doing the peeing. proton likes hip hop, used to wear his hair in cornrows, and has an ongoing beef with Jay-Z. trapped in the garden.

routine interrupted

that's right. my rigorous routine has been interrupted by the arrival of the raspberries. now, i'm up in the morning, make my coffee, GATHER RASPBERRIES, then am free to continue on with my reading and painting and such. and i've been doing a lot of both lately. good books i've finished lately: The Bell Jar and Silent Spring. and i'm currently reading The Moor's Last Sigh, which has been a fantastic read. i'm also painting the house from the terrible tan it was to a dark, dark, almost black charcoal, grey, white, and some red. you'll see pictures of that soon enough.

i may have mentioned my dog's ability to get wrapped up around anything and everything in the yard, and here is photo documentation of just that. image to the left would be incident 1: trapped around the laundry line post. he sort of resigned himself to the fact that he was trapped and stayed there quietly until i came and released him from his prison of string. then... three minutes later.... incident 2: trapped in the chair. this photo expose will no doubt be continued.

i also saw some awesome bugs on the raspberry bush.... little monsters. i think they are taking turns giving each other rides.

white rocks and the alien invasion

i don't mess around with dog safety, so proton gets strapped in just like everybody else. please avert your eyes from the larson chin.

today some friends took me to White Rocks, a scenic overlook a 15 minute drive from Rutland. as most scenery in vermont, it was pretty outstanding. a short hike up and all of a sudden you're looking out over an insane view of trees and mountains and wow. i'm already super excited to see the view in the fall.

slightly more interesting would be the thousands of alien pods we saw on the hike down. i'm not sure how i missed them on the way up. probably some sort of alien mind trickery. my friend brandi chose to take the she-ra route down, which meant my falling and tripping numerous times, but those close calls also brought me face-to-face with the pulsating alien embryos disguising themselves as common moss. i dared not touch them with my bare human hands, but i did manage to capture their existence on film. no telling how long exactly they have been laying dormant. or when they will hatch. from my calculations, i'm guessing they'll hatch somewhere around october 14.... around 3:15 p.m. how might i know that? i'll tell you.

upon closer inspection of the photo i took, i noticed a peculiar organism peaking out from behind one of the pods. obviously, it's difficult to
determine whether the pod the creature is next to is the one it hatched from using a photograph, but visiting the site again may lend some light on the issue. regardless, based on the size of the organism in the photo, previous data gathered on the organism (see Aliens), the ratio of living creatures: unhatched, the unseasonal amount of rain Vermont has been receiving, and the chlorophyll content of surrounding conifers, it's obvious to any junior scientist that the pods will hatch october 14. and 3:15 p.m. is right when kids get out of school, giving the newly hatched alien empire plenty to nibble on.

your yeast

reason i love the co-op here: because i can scoop out my own flour, sugar, granola, and BAKER'S YEAST. amazing.... reminds me of back when i was a kid and we would go to the amish grocery store to get delicious treats. today i was on the hunt for yeast to make bread with and i couldn't find it, so i head to the front of the store and ask the girl at the register "um.. so i was wondering if you had yeast." (obviously that was met with a blank stare, matched by the stare of the man at the other checkout). "i mean.. yeast to bake with. like if i wanted to make bread." yep. they've got it. in a big jar in the fridge next to the huge tub of maple syrup. now i needs to get big vats to get my syrup and honey on.

TCM

couple of things: 1- the raspberries are here!, 2- check out major lazer's album "guns don't kill people, lazers do," 3- the cows are violated every morning. my new plan is to record the sounds on garage band.

yesterday proton and i watched The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. the original. the one with the guy in the freaking wheelchair who gets chainsawed to death. wow. wow. wow. has to be one of the few horror movies i have seen in recent months that did not disappoint. don't even get me started on Bloody Murder. apparently TCM came out the same year as The Exorcist and people were losing their minds. no doubt. inbreds with skin on their faces and dead grandpas sucking fingers? GA-ROSS. i, of course, was engrossed in the film, but proton was curled up rather contentedly on my chest, little dog paws curled into the air in the pose of complete relaxation. and i must say, one of the best things in the whole world has to be cuddling with your favorite dog and feeling their little dog breath on your neck. even when you're watching idiot texas getting their heads split by axe-weilding inbreds.

i scream, you scream.... apparently cows scream

i don't know what is going on at the ol' cow farm , but i can tell you what it sounds like: cows getting raped. huh. maybe those animal rights protestors were right: meat is murder, milk is rape. maybe what i heard was cows getting milked. no. i don't think so. but the squealy/honk-ish/alarmingly loud cow hollers were absolutely bizarre and continued for quite a long time. proton and i were on our morning walk when all of a sudden one holler ripped through the morning air. we both stopped dead in our tracks and turned around to see what was going on. we saw nothing except one of the folks from the cow farm in overalls standing by the gate, kind of kicking the ground, pretending that they didn't hear some cow getting their butt poked in the barn. god it was loud. i grew up next to a cow farm and never heard sounds like this. maybe it's a vermont thing. maybe it's cow meditation. maybe they're recording for a CD of sexy cow sounds. i'm concerned for proton's little ears and his innocent sensibility.

right now i'm watching Robot Holocaust. was this someone's thesis project? did someone honestly fund this? i just watched naked people dance like phish fans in smoke outside of a chamber (the pleasure machine for those who serve the "dark one" faithfully) that housed a topless girl also dancing like a new england hippie. outrageous.