what the!? get the! how the!.. ugh....

this morning whilst raspberry picking i happened to notice something peculiar in the garden. oddly-shaped, deep indentations seemed to be everywhere. hmmm... it almost looks like someone has been digging up stuff... upon closer examination i realized that no, these are not the remnant holes of some wandering garden saboteur, but DEER TRACKS (see evidence at right). mother fucking deer tracks. not only am i now fighting the japanese beetles for the sweet raspberry gems, i'm fighting bambi, although i like to think of the deer as less like bambi and more like dirty, rabid destructor of garden joy (see rabid deer). and what is a deer going to do with raspberries? not make a delicious decadent raspberry sauce, i'll tell you that much. give it to thumper or whatever that craze-footed rabbit's name is? but this apparently makes proton a little less insane than i thought. he likes to bark at night at nothing in particular at all. well, turns out he may be barking at the predatory deer creatures lurking with their hooked hooves outside our windows, leering at our innocent snuggled-up bodies. i don't think there's something like a deer trap that's marketed, but i could perhaps rig up some sort of hammock-meets-spring loaded net trap.

and yes... proton found himself trapped in a new location today. wrapped around another poor bush. i can't help but think of him as the r. kelly of dogs. instead of being "trapped in the closet" he's "trapped around the nearest plant or post." and instead of getting peed ON, proton likes to be the one doing the peeing. proton likes hip hop, used to wear his hair in cornrows, and has an ongoing beef with Jay-Z. trapped in the garden.