my mistake

“I’m sorry I treated you like adults yesterday.” At first I thought she had misspoke. But no… immediately following that statement, teacher X (that same teacher who had been the victim of rogue humping and was soon may be the victim of rogue paintballing) proceeded to delve into a diatribe of condescension and patronizing that awoke the sleeping beast of rage lying dormant in my belly. It’s a fairly interesting social experiment to observe a group of teachers be treated like disobedient children. College, med school, grad school-educated people resort to writing haikus and limericks about how they want to poke their own eyes out with firecrackers, doodling pictures of dragons eating teacher X, and not-so-subtlely daydreaming about all the different tequila shooters they will be doing later that evening.

Other delights that escaped her wrinkly little lips: “If some of you think I’m a *b* because of this, I’m ok with that.” “Perception is reality.” (that gem has been stated at least 65 times in the past three days) Also, every sentence or two ends with one of the following “K?”, “Does that make sense?” “Are you getting that?” “Is that clear?” All right?” UUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHH.

The highlight of the session would be realizing that the Bulgarian physics expert who’s supposed to be leading us through parts of these sessions hates teacher X as much as I do. I leaned over and asked Ms. B. whether she would be teaching us, and she said “I thought I was… I keep getting bullied out.” She also was muttering awesome quips like “I’m going to commit the suicide” and “This is the worst day of my life” under her breath the entire time teacher X was telling us how awesome she is. And then, the best… I look over at Ms. B’s computer at a point and she’s opened up her new Mac’s dictionary and is typing in “f-u-c-k.” Then BOOM. There are the definitions. I start laughing super hard and she says “I just needed to see if it’s working.” YOU, Ms. B., are the best Bulgarian physicist I have ever met.